Cats

A mature cat’s regular state of hyper-acute sensitivity which originates from a genetic defect in the species known as Thispetas isa goofeotomous.

The defect presents unpredictably during the cute-cuddles stage of feline life cycle and continues deep into the animal’s maturity. The simple act of petting or showing any emotional connection by a human seems to initiate dramatic mental process changes in the feline. Once the neuropathic switch binding is initiated, the lobe of animal’s brain responsible for common sense behavior becomes forever stuck in a perpetual state of flux between cute-cuddles and goofeotomous states of being.

It should be furthermore noted that ever growing data shows T. i. goofeotomous to possess the ability to jump species resulting in near identical effect to common sense in humans who have had prolonged exposure to a unbalanced feline.

A longitudinal study conducted at Yale University documented certain airborne pheromones originating from atomized feline urine spray which are easily inhaled by owners and subsequently bind to the human olfactory epithelium, a back door connection to the common sense functions of the human brain.

T. i. goofeotomous compromised cat owners demonstrably lack the ability to tell the truth about their cat’s antisocial behavior patterns and always state the same phrase in response to any inquiry as to the pet’s friendliness: “Oh my, yes, {name of cat} is just a sweety patooty and loves being petted and rubbed.”

The encounter typically ends with a trip to hospital and 10-20 stitches. The T. i. goofeotomous affected owner inevitably accuses the wounded person of hating cats and announces that {name of cat} must have known a cat hater on site, explaining why {name of cat} attacked.

A cat in this state may be deemed irredeemably worthless and should be given away promptly to an obliging farmer to use for ridding barns of rats.

Symptoms of an affected feline include pupils which seem to spin loosely in the animal’s skull, gradually intensifying and causing the head to twitch rhythmically, followed by drooling, sleepiness, anxiety, leaping about, and purring. Some animals will growl, meow, scratch, or bite the hand holding or stroking.